Stress is sneaky. On busy days we might ignore psychological and physiological signs like shoulder tension, ruminations, and irritability. When we don’t intervene early enough, we might catch ourselves yelling at other drivers, stonewalling family and friends while we clamor to complete projects, the mounting responsibilities life sometimes engenders.
Sometimes our irritability even surprises us. We said “yes” to the project, “yes” to the task but when focused energy starts to decrease, we might have bitter thoughts of “why did I start this project,” “why didn’t they do more planning before asking for my help,” “why does everyone expect me to do so much?”. Left unchecked a welcomed opportunity might turn into a resented obligation with us blaming others for that sneaky stress.
When we are emotionally flooded our perception of reality can become distorted. This distortion is known as emotional reasoning. When we cannot slow our thoughts enough to assess and rationalize why we are feeling and thinking as we are, we can judge reality through the experience of our emotions. For example, we feel angry so it makes sense to be angry, but without emotional reasoning we might see a different reality. Maybe our employer didn’t ask us to stay late. Maybe we didn’t have to take the additional project when we have three unfinished. Maybe we were in the commuter’s blind spot. Maybe we aren’t ignorant, incapable as we think, and maybe when our friend said “how are you” they were trying to connect versus mock us.
So what to do when enough is enough?
Embody
Notice
Own
Understand
Go
Help
When we Embody our tension, we might start to become aware of our physical sensations and surroundings. Before we can explain our emotions, we first sense them. When our brains process from bottom to top, we experience physiological symptoms of distress before we can psychologically rationalize or explain them. Embodying the moment slows our thinking so we can then Notice changes.
Noticing is not judging. It is an objective observation that creates mental and emotional room for us to then start Owning our contribution to the distress and deciding what we can do in the moment. What is within our control. Once we own our contributions or widen our perception, we might start to Understand that emotional reasoning and emotional flooding are normal, but we are responsible for our actions. Of course, there will be times that we experience sneaky stress or overwhelm and understanding this allows us to separate from the clutches of our emotions and perceive the experience more fully.
Once we start understanding we can Go to a quieter place to allow our emotions to further dissipate encouraging a more even temper. From a sense of equanimity, we might more logically see the various factors that caused stress to take over. That might mean stepping outside or going to a more secluded or quite space, maybe getting a satisfying snack. Maybe simply allow yourself a couple of minutes to daydream, looking out into nature or city scenes from a window. Be practical and use the resources based on context. These steps contribute to Helping.
Helping ourselves reassess the factors that led to the overload may free us from the unwanted feelings that frequently follow those sneaky stress attacks. Start fighting these two “e’s”, emotional flooding and emotional reasoning , by embodying your experience versus habitually accepting it. Who knows it may lead to a better relationship with yourself and others.