Stress can be sneaky. On busy days we ignore psychological and physiological signals of shoulder tension, rumination, and irritability. When we don’t intervene, we might catch ourselves yelling at other drivers, stonewalling family and friends while we clamor to complete projects, the mounting responsibilities life engenders.
Sometimes our irritability even surprises us. We said “yes” to this project, “yes” to the task because, really, maybe excited to participate and watch our creativity, effort evolve. When focused energy starts to get low we might have bitter thoughts of “why did I start this project,” “why didn’t they do more planning before asking for my help,” “why does everyone expect me to do so much?”. A welcomed opportunity has turned into a resented obligation and others are to blame and no one else knows how this feels.
When we are emotionally flooded reality can become distorted. This distortion is known as emotional reasoning. When we cannot slow our thoughts enough to track our emotions they have more power to obscure reality. Without emotional reasoning we might see a different reality. Maybe our employer didn’t ask us to stay late. Maybe we didn’t have to take the additional project when we have three unfinished. Maybe we were in the commuter’s blind spot. Maybe we aren’t ignorant, incapable as we think, and maybe when our friend said “how are you” they were trying to connect versus accuse us.
So what to do when enough is enough?
Embody
Notice
Own
Understand
Go
Help
When we Embody our tension, we start to become aware of our physical sensations and surroundings. Before we can explain our emotions, we first sense them. When our brains process from bottom to top we experience physiological symptoms of distress before we can psychologically (our brain’s executive thinker was the last to evolve) identify them. Embodying the moment slows things down for us to then Notice changes.
Noticing is not judging. It is an objective observation that creates mental and emotional room for us to then start Owning our contribution to the distress and deciding what we can do in the moment. What is within our control. Once we own our contributions or the changes, it is important to Understand emotional reasoning and flooding is normal. Occasionally we all experience various intensities of stress or overwhelm. Understanding this allows us to separate from the clutches of shame and guilt (unless we need to apologize for our actions) to make room for self-compassion and forgiveness.
Once we start understanding we can Go to a quieter place to allow emotions to further dissipate encouraging a more even temper. That might mean stepping outside or to a restroom. Be practical and use the resources based on context. These steps contribute to Helping.
Helping ourselves without undue blame and a little more self-control. These steps can free us from the guilt and self shame frequently felt during and after emotional flooding and emotional reasoning. Start fighting these two “e’s” by embodying your experience versus habitually accepting it. Who knows it may lead to a better relationship with yourself and others.